I got a loud knock on my door early on Thursday morning, making me catch my breath before I realised it was just the postman. I was still in my pyjamas, but nevertheless went to the door and signed for a parcel.  I was really excited to find the long, thin envelope that I knew contained my professional photographs from graduation.

I knew they wouldn’t be perfect. I graduated in mid-December, a few weeks into the Australian summer, wearing full graduation attire – the gown, the hood, the cap – and let me tell you, it was bloody hot.  I was sweating and managing to fog up my glasses every time I smiled. When I opened the envelope to peek at the pictures, I was honestly just happy I didn’t seem to be as red as a tomato.

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This is my whole, crazy family.  My mum, my dad, my stepmum and sister – my little brother, my nana, and my little sister.  We must’ve looked a funny bunch, but there’s so much love in this picture. When I look at this picture, I think about my mum – walking on a foot broken two months earlier.  I think about my dad and stepmum – driving 12 hours the day before just to be there for me. My little brother and sister, who sat through an almost two hour ceremony mostly quiet, and cheered and gave me the biggest hugs when they found me afterwards.  My big sister, who left my niece’s kindy Christmas party to be there to celebrate with me. And my nana, for whom this was the end of year celebration we’d been talking about all of 2015.  My last remaining grandparent, having her there meant the world.

There are people missing from the picture – my brother-in-law, my niece, my uncle, aunt and cousin.  And then there’s the rest of my family – made up of friends, practically blood, who’ve been there with me through the thick and thin of this degree.

My family isn’t easy to understand. We are bits and pieces made whole only when we are together.  Ohana. I would not have made it through my degree without them, and I would not have wanted to make it through graduation without them there to celebrate with me.

So when I opened the photographs on Thursday, instead of looking at my slightly red face, or my sweaty fringe pushed back under that cap, I looked at my grin that didn’t leave my face all day. I looked at my family, who all sacrificed parts of their lives to be there with me.  And I don’t care how I looked on the outside. Because on the inside, I was luminous with love and joy.

xx Nikki.


2016 Bucket List

So instead of making resolutions, which I’m likely to give up on before January even hits it’s halfway point, I’ve made a list of goals to try and complete by the end of the year – a bucket list, for 2016.  Some of them are ongoing, some of them are one-time accomplishments, but hopefully they will all be completed or at least partially completed by this time next year.

I like to record these publicly, in the hopes that peer pressure or even the idea of peer pressure will be enough to help me achieve them.  So here goes:

  • Eat a vegetarian diet for a month
  • Move out of home
  • Write the first draft of a novel
  • Have a real Christmas tree
  • Drink water more than anything else
  • Read at least 52 books
  • Try (or at least consider!) online dating
  • Bake a rainbow layer cake
  • Start a blog, consider vlogging
  • Practice mindfulness or meditate often
  • Join a gym and/or get a PT
  • Keep track of all the babies I deliver
  • Use my DSLR in manual mode
  • Write letters to Riley and Katie at least monthly
  • Read Anna Karenina
  • Go berry or fruit picking
  • Live by the motto “Just Say Yes”

Some of these have been New Years Resolutions prior, with no real success – but with 2016 looming and so much change on the horizon, what better year to give it a real crack?

Anybody out there in hypothetical-internet land have any resolutions or goals for this year they’d like to share?

xx Nikki

Welcome to the Blogosphere

God that title just feels so 90s. I can’t help myself. Born in 91, I am well aware that I am living with the last vestiges of 90s culture left.  Or at least all that’s left before it cycles back into popularity again.

Anyway, such is the case with I’m sure every other person starting a blog in January this year, this is kind of a New Years resolution of mine.  There are lots of big changes happening in my life this year, and I figured it’d be great to start a journal – and what place is better to share my innermost thoughts and feelings than online, where everybody can read it?

Seriously though, I have no assumptions that this blog will reach any level of popularity beyond my own future self reading back over my idiocy and giggling.  Slightly-older me is obviously vastly more sophisticated than present me, in case you were wondering. I’m also hoping her skin is less temperamental and her bank account is significantly fatter, but I guess there’s no promises in life.

I guess the basics would help, right? Well right now I’m 24 years old, recently graduated, still living at home.  My first real job starts next month, and it really hasn’t sunk in yet that I’ll be paid for doing what I love, every day.  I’m a midwife, by the way. I have the honour and privilege of helping to welcome babies into the world, and women into motherhood.  It’s a pretty sweet gig.  Messy, sure, but sweet nonetheless.

I can’t help but anticipate that this blog will be a mess of different things – maybe bits of my photography, maybe book reviews, maybe my personal playlists, outfit posts, personal essays (rants, let’s be honest here), maybe not much at all.  But I figure there’s no better place to start than right here, even if words don’t convey a whole heap of clarity at the moment.

Signing off,

xx Nikki